my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Randomize
