My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
