his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize