you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
