Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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