We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize
