my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Randomize
