Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
