What did we do last night that was yellow?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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