I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
