sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Drake has all the answers
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
