I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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