Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
