Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
