3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize