But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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