Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
