I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
