I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
The ass gains better be worth it
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
