it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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