I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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