We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
