I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
