Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
