I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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