I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
