So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize