You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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