Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
