You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
