Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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