My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
