And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
