you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
