Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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