You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
