Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
