Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
