my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
