Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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