I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
