god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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