sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
