Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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