ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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