morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
