I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
