I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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