I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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