do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
