Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
