I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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