Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
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