I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
