Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
What a dumb baby whore.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
