Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
