the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize