she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Can you bring me the toilet please
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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