Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
