and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
