i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
My ass is underappreciated
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
