I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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