if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
