do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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