I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
