At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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