with your own penis?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
