paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
