i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
